Pints of Interest

Is it just me, or are the pint glasses in New York City getting smaller? I think it's great that bar owners here are thumbing their noses at the boring traditional English system of measurement and trying new ideas. Personally, I'm tired of drinking out of some old-fashioned, morbidly obese, supersized Budweiser pint glass that Joe The Plumber slurps out of! When the bartender pours me a perfect pint of Guinness at Zooropa on Ludlow St. (only $10 at happy hour), it's like I'm in a Dublin pub with James Joyce and The Edge.


Now, I am a hopeless beer geek, and I'm always trying the latest experiments out of the most daring breweries in the world. These breweries are half Hogwarts Academy, half Astra-Zeneca, and the stuff they come up with is AMAZING! At Nausealeum in Williamsburg, I tried a beer from Dog Mountain River Brewing Co. out of Alva, Oklahoma. It's made from 100% yeast, and it's unlike any beer I've tried before. According to the insane wizards at the brewery, the beer is made from 46% California ale yeast, 21% lager yeast, 15% Burton ale yeast, 8% Weinstephaner hefeweizen yeast and 25% Belgian yeast. The beer contains no alcohol at first, but after you drink it, the yeast ferments all the sugar in your body and you get REALLY drunk! On yourself!! It is served with a shot of hop extract to balance the sweetness of your blood sugar. The taste is reminiscent of sourdough bread that's been soaked in Jagermeister.
I was literally drunk for three days afterward, for the yeast continues to multiply in your system until there's no more sugar. It pretty much wreaks havoc on the old tripe. If I had a job, I don't know what I would have done! But I can now add "being fermented" to my list of accomplishments.